A Peace That Transcends All Understanding

It has been a long while since I have written. The world as I view it has changed one way, moved another, been shaken around, and here I am. So much can happen in so little time, and while I will not go into the details of what "so much" may be, I will go into the details of a few verses that have been written on a card that I have been carrying with me. These verses are a constant reminder of the truth that Christ has called me to.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillippians 4:4-7

Wow, what a command. Rejoice. Even in those moments we don't understand, those moments when the tears seem to fall. Rejoice. Bring them to God. Bring them to God with thanksgiving, even. His thoughts, his plans, his will is SO much greater than anything we can imagine, and in that we can rejoice and thank him. But we, but I get so wrapped up in my current situation. I can only feel the moment, the second of life that my heart beats within, and because of this fact that heartbeat tends to quicken, the peace of God is the last thing on my mind, and my soul becomes one of anxiousness and a lack of trust.

But then I simply reach in my pocket, feel that index card (that is now folded, crinkly, tear stained, coffee spilled, and almost falling apart) and I remember the living words of God. Rejoice, present your requests,and take hold of the peace that transcends all understanding. What a great God we serve.

My Strong and Perfect Plea

"Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart."

Sometimes I go through spells, or phases if you will, with the way I praise God. Hold on, I know you may be ready to close this page and call me crazy, but I'm serious. My mind can't handle it when I really delve into what God has to offer, and even when I do focus on one thing I am often times brought to my knees and overwhelmed. Sometimes I have to take one facet at a time, trying to learn about that side and soak it in, letting it change me. I don't forget that God is much bigger than that one aspect, but I do let myself get lost in the sea of that one trait, and then remember that this is just one part. PRAISE GOD!

Right now I have been reading, thanks to Chip and Dave at Providence, in Hebrews where it talks about Christ being our Great High Priest. I have to say, God's word alone about this subject is enough to make me bounce in my seat like I have had two cups of Global Village coffee. I mean listen to this: (!!!)

For Christ has entered, not into holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true things, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God on our behalf. Nor was it to offer himself repeatedly, as the high priest enters the holy places every year with blood not his own for then he would have had to suffer repeatedly since the foundation of the world. But as it is, he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself. And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him. Hebrews 9:24-28

Christ was not only a High Priest. Christ was The High Priest. Before Him a mediator would have to make sacrifices for my sins multiple times within my lifetime. But Christ, Christ stepped in and became the sacrifice, became the mediator, became the reason I can boldly approach the throne of God. To top it all off, this sacrifice is one that covers our sin. Fully. Once our sin has been covered we do not have to go back for another sacrifice, do not have to find a way to clean up to come to the throne. My Jesus, He is enough. He is plenty. How often do I skim over this fact? THIS IS HUGE!!! Christ came once,once for our sins and when He returns, it will be to bring us home!

Oh man...I'm doing the bounce in my seat thing.

Height marked on a Wall

Oh my it has been a long while since I blogged. School is getting crazy, life is picking up, and to take thoughts from my journal and put them on here...that takes time that I don't have. It is something I want to try to do more often though, so don't give up on me!


Yesterday morning I sat in my little sister's room at 6 am and worked on homework, drinking coffee as my Dad painted it LIME green. It is part of her Christmas present from my Mimi to have her room redone, and my Daddy has NO time in his life to paint it, so Thanksgiving morning, that was his time. I also have about 6 projects on my plate right now that have to be done before I return to school, one of which involved research and could be done while talking. You see, Daddy and I talk over coffee EVERY morning. We have since I could drink coffee, and before that he made me hot chocolate and called it coffee. It is our time, before the world wakes up, to catch up and digest life. Together.

Yesterday we took time to talk about the door in Josie's room. Yes. The door. He was going to change the door and give her a "suweet new one," but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't even bring himself to paint this nasty, busted, drawn over door. That door looks like an old door, but on the side it holds the growth chart of the Edwards family, including Momma and Daddy from when Taylor, Josie, and I decided they needed to be measured too. I can stand next to that door and see when I stood knee height to myself. It is crazy. I can see when I hit my growth spurts, and when my growing leveled off. I can look back at heights and dates and remember stories that go with those times. I remember that day as the day Taylor and I ran down the hallway pulling eachother on blankets like sleds and got in trouble for crashing into the table and knocking over a picture frame. It was when she was blonde Taylor, with bouncy curls, HUGE dimples that took up her whole face, carried around her Barney stuffed animal all the time, and had a laugh that would make me do ANYTHING again. Oh, and I remember that Josie, she came up to right here on me, cried 24/7, and was Momma's baby. BUT, it was that Josie who ran around in her diaper, only her diaper, and a Native American headdress and had the whole family laughing, although she was 100% serious.

As Daddy and I were talking about those heights, dates, precious girls, and memories, they woke up one at a time and came in. Josie, rubbing her eyes and hearing us laughing walks in and says loudly, "You would have to be high to paint a room at 7 in the morning! This paint is making you high isn't it?" Taylor continues when she comes in by saying one line before she sits down. "Wow. Looks like a big booger in here." :D Ridiculous.

Each of those lines, each of those heights holds a million laughs that those little girls and I have shared. A million good times that make up for any sad, bad, angry, "downer" times (as Josie like to say.) The exciting part is that those laughs and great memories are only getting started for the three of us. My height marker has stopped, and Taylor's is slowing down, but we have so many memories to fit into that last line. Oh goodness, Josie just woke up...they are getting started now.

Everything in Between

I love the stillness of the morning. The way the whole world is calm. To hear the sound of my feet hitting the pavement, the wind moving through the trees, and my heart pounding. As I run, I can open my thoughts- meet with my God.

I love the chaos of the day- the way our living room holds so many people, some sitting on the couch, others on the floor. Looking around, I see the familiar faces of old friends, and the welcome faces of new guests. All are talking, all are laughing, all are genuinely loving. As I stand back, I can take it all in, realizing that this is what it is like to have a home away from home.

I love the time in between. Meeting a friend for coffee. Sitting with your roommate on the kitchen counter before classes, spilling your deepest fears and your greatest dreams. Laying in bed across the room from your roommate when you know you should be asleep sharing the stories of the day, the heartbreaks of the hour, and the victories of the moment. Making dinner with your best friend while discussing God's grace. The time when the world is moving, just at a slower pace.

Sunny with a chance of thunderstorms

When it rains while the sun is shining, I feel like the weather finally understands what it feels like to be me. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm up and then I'm down. I am exhausted yet I really want to go for a run. But my question for you... Who doesn't love a good sunshiny drizzle? It might be a little crazy. You may not know whether to grab your Marmot or throw on those sunglasses. Here is my advice on how to deal with it. Just accept it. It probably isn't going to make up it's mind any time soon. It will surprise you, throwing you for a loop. Get ready for it.

A Heart of Humility

It is so sad, how sinful I am, yet so beautiful how much grace God shows.

This morning I woke up to a...not so clean kitchen/living room combo. When I went to bed, I saw it was a mess, but I assumed the dishes on the counter would be put in the DIRTY dishwasher, the food would be put away, and the plates would be rinsed off. I woke up to my worst nightmare. :)

I almost got very angry. This is something the girls and I have been talking about, and I was, honestly, very frustrated. In my head I knew I had two choices: 1. Yell like a crazy person when they woke up. 2. Talk about how I can't handle living in a zoo, and how the house needs to stay clean. Either way I knew my attitude was going to come across (something I wasn't sure I wanted to happen.) Then, I thought of a third, unheard of option. I clean up the mess. I show the body of Christ love by doing something I don't really want to do, and then I talk to my housemates, my closest friends about a small problem in our house. I love them in Christ through my actions, they hear my words because of that love and those actions.

But...here is where I begin to really disgust myself.

As I completed the task, closing the dishwasher and throwing away the last of the food, I caught myself thinking, "That was a pretty cool thing to do." WOW. I CAN'T EVEN SERVE CHRIST--> I CAN'T DO ANYTHING FOR HIM WITHOUT MY PRIDE GETTING IN THE WAY!! I turned an act of service to my God and His children into a self-serving, self-glorifying task. All this by thinking about it and analyzing it too much. Where is my humility? Did I even start out with the right motives?

Lord, cleanse this heart of pride, replacing it with a heart of humility, a heart of service that beats for You and Your people. Move me out of the way, and open my eyes to more ways, large or small, that I can serve You. Help me to me mindful of my reasons and my motives. May they be for Your glory alone.

This Journey

Sometimes I’m afraid if I blink, I will miss it. I mean, it is all flying so fast. If I close my eyes it will all be gone. This time when I am young. When I stay up late and wake up early. When I am responsible for myself and only myself. When my network of friends is too many to count, but those I depend on fit on five fingers. In high school people said, “These are the best years of your life.” Boy were they wrong. College. College years are the best years a person can experience. They are challenging. They push you. They are so fun you can’t stand it. In one week you have more emotions than you can hold, more stress than you can handle, more responsibility than you can carry, more love than you expected, and more support than you ever imagined. You laugh more, cry more, and get over petty anger more than you ever thought you could. At the end of the day you are exhausted, and content. This may be a generalization. I dare say I am in the five percent who have such a perfect college experience. I am surrounded by people who make that experience. People who push me and pull me in every imaginable direction. People who I love with my whole heart, and others who I struggle to stay in the same room with. People who walk in a room and have every iota of attention in my body, and others who work so hard for my attention but rarely receive it. People who don’t deserve the time I give them but get so much, and people who are worthy of my full self but get skipped over because of my shallow eye. I am not perfect. I am broken. I am leaning on my savior's arms to get me through. I am struggling and trusting, but I am truly enjoying the ride.