I can't explain the feeling inside of me right now. It is a hunger. It is a thirst. It is a longing. It is what I have been praying for (for weeks now.) I was in a bit of...a slump. I felt as though I wanted to want Christ. I wanted to be in His word. I wanted to desire Him over all else. But when I sat down at the end of the day, my heart was not longing for Him. And then, after much prayer, I felt renewed. I don't know when it happened. I can't pinpoint the reason or the event. But I noticed it today when I was doing my quiet time. I couldn't get enough. And then as I was praying and thinking back on the day I felt a genuine joy. A love. An appreciation for my God and Savior.
Also, my extreme discomfort in the field of romance has passed. I am so happy with friendship. Searching for a boyfriend is tiring. Playing the part to win a guy- It is worthless. I am not by any means ready for marriage, so why waste time on pointless relationships right now. Why not spend time pouring into guys around me, loving them, growing with them? Why not do so selflessly without worry of how they will respond in return? There are some really great guys surrounding me right now. Guys who believe in seeking Christ first. Guys who respect women because women are daughters of Christ. A guy actually wrote about that in His blog (that I read today.) Just reading his thoughts about pursuing the good of the girl in a relationship over self-satisfying interests was so amazing to me. It gave me hope in guys again. It made me realize that I should do the same for my guy friends. I should do everything to protect our friendship and stay away from any misleading actions.
Finally, I love serving other people. I realized that I am the most happy when I am pouring into others. I love doing little things for people, things they may never thank me for, but things that can make all the difference in the world. I pray that God would open my eyes to these opportunities. I am often too busy focusing on myself to pick up on them. I just love to be used by God in the small things. I never wish to be the big name who receives the credit. I am perfectly happy on the sidelines. I thank God for putting me here.